Facing The Inner-Struggle

“It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.” The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

We have been talking a lot about solitude and its benefits. I want to mention now though that it is not always an easy activity. The hardest part about solitude is facing yourself – imperfections and all. For some, that is no easy task.

One of the first times I was leading a solitude exercise, I put the people in their only little areas out of sight from one another, yet still close enough that I could respond in case of emergency. Within 20 minutes, I heard a girl screaming for help. She was hyperventilating and panicking. She calmed down a little bit when she saw me, but not to the point where she could be left alone.

I sat with her for a time on a rock outcropping, overlooking the desert floor. Slowly she began to talk about what had happened to her – overwhelming feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and of feeling alone. She told me of some of her trauma and choices she made but now regrets. She told me her fears that she was not lovable because of her mistakes and her history.

All of this surprised me. Looking at her from the outside, she seemed to have it all put together. She dressed nicely, got good grades, and seemed popular with the other students. However on the inside, hidden beneath her smiling façade, she was in turmoil. Being alone without anything to distract her allowed her the opportunity to glimpse at her inner-life. That glimpse terrified her into a panic.

Within those 20 minutes of solitude though, that glimpse allowed her to take the first step into facing those demons. Without the solitude, it may have taken her many more years before she opened up to someone about her struggles. By listening and validating her feelings, we were able to create a safe, non-judgmental place for the healing process to begin.

The girl went into therapy to continue addressing her trauma and over the course of the year was able to spend more and more time alone with her thoughts. Last I heard, she was doing well and enjoyed the strength that “being in the quiet” provides her. She has integrated solitude into part of her weekly routine.

May we all have the courage to face our inner struggles like she had.

The journey continues...

#Lost #Paradigm #Change #Solitude