Stories We Tell Ourselves

The stories we tell ourselves create the world we see, our place in it, and the meaning we get from life. Some stories are better than others. We can have narratives of being joyful and competent, being loved and cherished. There are also tales of being stupid and depressed, lazy and good-for-nothing. Are you the hero on a journey in your story or are you the perennial victim? These stories have the potential to become a reinforcing echo chamber – story leads to story, the past is prologue as William Shakespeare says.

“I didn’t do the laundry because I’m depressed and I’m even more depressed because I couldn’t even do the laundry…tomorrow will be no better.” You see how easy it is to fall into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Recently I found myself caught up in a negative narrative. Things were not going well at work and people were exhibiting some really ugly behavior (lying, drug use, threats, etc). Someone even threatened to kill me and my dog, made all the more disturbing because I don’t own a dog. I was becoming disillusioned. I was universalizing the behaviors I was seeing – all people are bad, lying, using drugs, etc. I felt worn down. I felt that my reports were awful and I had doubts about my ability to present ideas to others. At my upcoming presentation I knew that several university professors would be there watching and critiquing me. I did not want to appear to be dumb. The more I felt like this, the worse I wrote. I was going around in circles. This lasted longer than I wanted…until I realized that this was not the life I wanted to live.

I went out for a series of hikes and solitude to think and re-center myself. There was no grand moment where a curtain pulled back and everything was revealed. It was hard work over time – reflecting on where I was, where I wanted to be, and how to get there. The first step was me realizing that I was catastrophizing people – they are not all bad. My experience was a small selection of people and I should not universalize that. I had many examples from my past of people doing good to others – feeding strangers, shoveling snow out of an elder’s driveway, etc.

The next step was to look at myself. The story I had been telling myself was one of being stupid and overwhelmed. That is not who I wanted to be. I looked back on my life to recall events that would help me change my narrative. I am Eddie - an artist and explorer. I have kayaked over waterfalls, swam between islands, walked around a country, been published, and jumped over the Mississippi. I was capable. I reread my early draft of my presentation and found it sounded as good as any of the articles I had read preparing it. I also decided to submit some photos to the county fair and they were hung in the photo gallery – selected by a committee as worthy of inclusion.

I had changed my negative story into a positive one. As I retold myself the positive narrative I felt my confidence return along with my writing and joy in life. Now I’m not denying that on some level the story of my fear of inadequacy is not real. It is and will always be a part of me. However, I choose to place more emphasis on these positive narratives that strengthen my sense of competency and sense of being. These positive stories are more true reflections of the Divine in us – the Divine is good and a force for good. Thus when we find the stories that reinforce that narrative, we are hitting closer to the Truth than when we elevate the negative. “‘I know the plans I have for you,’ sayeth the Lord, ‘Plans plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jer 29:11)

(On a side note – one always had to guard against self-delusion. Committing genocide or, less extremely, gossiping about someone I would argue are acts done out of a negative narrative, even though people doing these actions often argue it is for the “greater good”. I advise to keep the Golden Rule [Do unto others as you would have them do unto you] as a good guide of what is acceptable.)

Thus, the stories we tell ourselves are so important. What stories do you tell yourself?

#Healing #Darkness #Depression #Change